Morning Pages 41414

Wow! I forgot to blog. Is that good or bad?

Afternoon Pages 41314

My blogging today isn't what it should be. There's only a few things that I want to say. Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. I'm learning to 'Trust' in God!

Morning Pages 41214

I wake up with a calm feeling no coughing. Then I lay back down and the coughing begins. What's going on with me. I wish I could just release these symptoms. It's getting on my nerves. Can't take much more of this. Who am I fooling I will do what ever I have to until it's done. I felt good talking to Penn and helping him with his buy, but reality is reality and thats all that was. I can't read more into it. But my crazy never let go self will think more has occurred and it hasn't. Anyway, even when he called me back to tell me about his issue we talked more. I wasn't busy but even if I would I would have said no just to talk with him. I haven't changed Im still reaching for things that will never be mine. So it's time that I move on. Talking with him I do hear a different spirit. I hear someone who's faith and trust in God has changed so much. When he speaks about his abundance it's amazing. That's my God journey. Tp know that God will always take care of me and I need to LET GO AND LET GOD. . . Why is it so hard to release something that you've never had. What is it. Why is it so easy for me to still be angry with the way my children live or how somethings that they have said to me still hurt. Why cant i shake these feelings. WHY?Who am I ? I am a child of the MOST HIGH, the KING of KINGS, I'm one of HIS children and I have to believe with my whole heart that GOD will take care of me. Each step of my existence has been a true steeping stone and I'm still climbing. The past is the past. I have to look at it , learn from it and move on. The present is now and what I do now will effect the future, so tread lightly. I feel my strength coming back in my body. Today I'm up and I'm ready to move on. Whatever I have to do I'm going to try to get it done. I have to remember that Rome was not built in a day, so do what's needed and if it's all not finished it's not the end of the world. Each second is so precious. We have an amazing temple. It can heal itself, it's vibrant, it's in our Father's imagine and yet we abuse our temple. We tear it down by not giving it the right food and the right things that it needs to strive. God has given us so much. He set up our existence He provided us with everything we could ever ask for, and some. Yet as always we want what looks best in the store window next to ours. I guess I've never really fully trusted anyone, and the reason why I say that is because I'm always trying to make sure that I control the situation and that if I'm in control then I no it will be done. That's not trust, so I need to be stripped down and let God into me. I mean truly into me.I have to surrender to HIM! What happened to Penn and I. I do remember how jealous I felt at the funeral, and how I was there amongst his friends and my insecurities and low self-esteem made me feel unwanted. I couldn't stand that feeling of rejection and God knows I didn't want to start that fight with his mom there I do regret that ever happening. I'm sorry she had to see that. Her son his a great guy and I hope she doesn't think any less of him. after that things changed so much that I really can't remember all of the events. Did I suppress everything or was it not important to remember? The older I get the more vocabulary test I take. My Charles always corrects me when I'm mispronouncing a word. I know pronunciation is important. I have to keep my brain alive. So I have to begin feeding it new things and doing new things.  First I have to release myself from the past. Wait, here I go again. First I must pray and asked God to guide me through this journey and what ever He has for me to do I will trust Him and do it. I have to stop and listen to what He is telling me. That's what I have to do first! Thank you God for this time and being with you. Until Tomorrow . . .

Afternoon Pages 41114

It's been awhile, but I finally ventured out this week. First to the Post Office and then I went to Karen's.   I didn't take my tools or equipment because I was strong enough to sew.

Evening Pages 41014

I finally checked my phone messages. The doctor left a message bout my blood work results. My potassium is low.

Late Morning Pages 4914

Today is Jasmine's birthday.

Morning Pages 4814

Why am I feeling this way? I felt great on Sunday and I woke up okay on Monday, but then it happened. I felt hot and then cold.