Time passing . . .

It's been quite awhile since I've blogged. A whole year has gone by; I've lost friends and a family member.
We had a family reunion this August.
I've seen God's miracles through my grandson  Wynton; each day is a blessing.
I have a lot to be thankful for and yet I feel so helpless. I feel angry, alone, and needy. I want someone to love me. I want to feel loved, and To be loved for who and what I am. I want to have an adult conversation, a walk in the park, a hug and kiss when and wherever I want it. I want to take long rides and long walks.  I want to love who I am and not feel unattractive in my skin. I want to laugh, cry, scream, and yell with someone other than myself. I want a lover, a friend, a lifelong partner. Am I being selfish because of what I want. I want to be touch, caressed, and held. But most of all I want to love me and not feel ashamed or afraid of who I am.

Out of control . . .

I felt helpless. Everything seemed to be falling apart. I felt like my plans or schedule was thrown away and I had no say in what I needed. Why me? and I hear a voice in my head that says, Why not you? I feel all alone, and I just want to throw in the towel. Then, when I stop and collect my thoughts. I realize that I'm making a big thing out of nothing and that this season will pass. I'm trying not to give up. I think, I'm just angry because I am not in charge or in control of what is going on in my life.

GOD IS IN CONTROL

I'm not in control. It's hard when you finally realize that you are a control freak. You have to be in everything and know what's going on at all times. I'm that person. I always had to be on top of the situation; making sure that I made it happen. Even when there were obstacles in the way. I was the protector, the go getter, I can't fail.
Who am I . . . I had to let go and let God. . . I'm not in control of anything. God has all power and He is all knowing. Lowly me! How could i think I had the control. I am still struggling with this condition but I have let go and I know that God has always been the controller.