I have to be as straight forward with Penn as I can. He's come a long way. He's talking to me now and I'm so glad of that, but I have to communicate with him. I am still angry with myself for not letting go of Penn. Not because I want someone else but because I need to free myself from this hold that I have. I have to be honest with myself. I feel bad that Penn's mom was very angry with him after Will's wedding. I pray that he let's go and get back with her. He was so close to his mom and now he hardly speaks to her. I think he should reconsider. I have to let go my underlying anger that I have for my mom. I have to see her for who she is and not be angry when she doesn't do what she should for herself. I am only responsible for me and I have to start now. I see myself going forward and then I fall back into that same old bag. I have to decide what I'm going to do; not so much as to how I'm going to do it. I know that God is moving in my life and He's going to bring me through. I pray for His direction. I've let myself get into a slump. I haven't be productive. I start out in my head saying what I'm going to do and then I don't do it. I want to work on the second quilt so I can give then to Janet. She's going to give them to her seniors that she takes care of. I have been so laid back. I have so much to do and I haven't done it yet! I am happy that I went to the jazz festival and I am happy that I ran into Penn. Thank you God; although I was scared when I saw him. I thought he would be angry with me, because I was in his area. I watched him throughout the show. He didn't see me but I did see him. I am going to work on a few changes today. I am going to treat myself like the precious object I am.
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