Morning Pages 31414

Up very early! I have to get ready for my grandson. I had a weird and unrestful sleep last night. I was up most of the night going to the bathroom. The more it seems like the cough goes away the more it comes back with a vengeance. Then I have a dream about Penn. Of course I wanted him, but that's not even what the dream was about. He was trying to catch this young man. He was trying to restrain him. The young man kept running. Finally, Penn came to my house and just walked in. I asked him what was going on and he told me he had to catch this young man. I asked him why and then the truth came out. This was his son, and the worse part was that it was by his dead brother's wife. Mind you it was while his brother was alive. I couldn't believe it. I was so upset and I was trying to figure out when this happened. I tell you this is what I spent my time worrying about instead of sleeping. I don't have the foggiest idea why this was in my head or my dream. Once again, I'm thinking about Penn. He doesn't want me yet I keep thinking about him. I hope he's okay. I'm still spending money or I should say I'm still using someone else's money that I have to pay back sooner or later. That's how this country makes money;interest! That's the name of the game in our capitalistic nation. I was asked to help with ordering the food for the food pantry. I never gave an answer. I don't want to do it. I realize it only requires you to go online and place the order, but I know that's not all I would have to do. I've been avoiding this issue. Then because of who I am I will feel guilty if I don't do it. I really want to go and visit my sister in Omaha, and I will. I'm determined to do two things this year. Go back to Virginia and then to Omaha. I have to get my car in tip top shape and then I'll be able to do this. I guess I'll have to take my sister with me. I've been eating like I'm crazy. Every time I get annoyed with something or someone I find comfort in eating. It's getting bad. I've put on so much weight. I have a doctor's appointment and I'm really afraid of what the scale will say. I am ashamed of myself yet I don't stop. What's that all about? I find myself still going in circles. I want to make changes in my lie and I do but I'm still not consistent. A change is going to come! I have no choice. sometimes I think I'm ADD. I can't seem to stay focused on one thing. I have to be all over the place. Almost like I have to be in everything or doing something at all times. This is not true. I need to stay back and let others do. I always seem to cripple people. I want to teach them how to fish, but at times I wind up fishing for them. Enough said . . . Until tomorrow . . .  Thank God for this day!

Morning Pages 31314

Off to the doctors, mom has to have blood work and dental today. I got up late as usual, but I'm on my way to pick her up and start a day of mom.

Afternoon Pages 31214

Got up late, but made it on time to take mommy to the doctor. Her blood pressure was much better today. She has to go back for a breath test on the 26th. Then we went to pick up her reading glasses. She was very tired but we got through the day. We stopped at KFC for lunch. I'm not going to quilt today. I want to get some rest. I'm a little tired. I have a cold and when I cough I'm leaking.

Morning Pages 31114

I had a dental appointment this morning and I cancelled it, or at least I tried to cancel it. The office was closed at 7:30 am. I called back at 8:00 am and it was still no answer. No live voice at least. I got scared. I'm not feeling well, so I let that be my excuse. I'm just a mess. I cough too hard and leak on myself. I thought by taking a vitamin B complex everyday would supplement what I may be missing, but since I've been taking the pills I feel worse. I've been drinking lemon water, hoping that the extra vitamin c would do me some good. Instead I feel worse. I'm not sure what's going on inside of me. Maybe I need to detox and then introduce new foods and supplements to my body, and do it one thing at a time. Then I would know what's working and what's not. I had a dream about working, Rev. Jeanette, and colleagues and students. I guess this is my withdrawal time of year. I guess I should be working and I'm not. I have no desire to work right now. I could use the additional money but I haven't looked for work. My life is sufficiently obligated. I have spent out! I am depending on other funds to get me through the month. This has to change. I went to a luncheon on Sat. I felt good. Had a good time. I felt excluded when my friends were talking amongst themselves about what they were going to do at the end of the school year. I am so noisy. I think I have to know everything that's going on. I want to be apart of it. This sounds ridiculous. I don't know why I feel this way. That's my biggest problem. I don't have to try to do everything. I don't have to know what's going on. I wasn't even thought of. I saw my friend and asked her about the luncheon. she had forgotten all about me, and that's okay. Out of sight out of mind. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but that's how I see it. Communication isn't one of my strong points. This is really pitiful. I've called the dental office to cancel and reschedule and no one is answering the phone. They can't be that crowded that they can't stop and answer. I'll try after 9:00. I'm going to mail Ana's hat and scarf to her. I also want to send her the sewing machine. I think I will purchase another one and send it from there to her. I don't want to disappoint her. She's ready to sew now. It's the ideal age. I just wish she had someone to help her. I guess Mema can do it with her. My sister is awake but instead of getting out of bed she's laying there waiting for me to tell her to get up. I should have man up and went to the dentist. Chicken is my middle name but I know I have to go sooner than later. That's why I'm trying to get another appointment. Enough said . . .  Until tomorrow . . . Thank God for this day!

Morning Pages 31014

Today's is Shooby's birthday. I have to text her and then call her later. I think she's working today. I know she went out to dinner for her birthday last night. I'm up early. WP2 is here with me today. I enjoy watching all of my grandsons. He's really growing up and doing much better God is so good to our family. I know he still has a road to travel and many hills to climb, but we are taking it one step at a time. Two minutes before he I have to give him his medicine. I am still having dry mouth; not as bad but still there. I have a cold or symptoms that have me coughing like I'm crazy, leaky bladder, and blowing my nose. Have I gone to the doctors yet, of course not! I take care of everyone else then myself. I'm going to have to change that order. Me first or else no one else is taken care of. Break! medicine time! Did that finished he's still asleep and I can continue my writing. I tell you! curiosity killed the cat. I have a cat or should I say I inherited a cat from my son. He went through this animal kick and decided he wanted to have pets. His, now wife had a dog and believe it or not he had three cats; maybe not all three at one time but he did have three. When WP2 was born they decided to get rid of the animals; for whatever reason. Any who, they were looking for a good home for their pets. I told him I would take Sapphire. She's only a kitten. I think it's going on three years now. I'm not too sure about the time, but she's a rambunctious kitten growing into a rambunctious cat. She gets into everything. I know why they say curiosity killed the cat because one day she's going to mess with something and die. It's as simple as that. I don't know how she finds things but she does. So I have her and love her to death. The grandsons love her too. They are always trying to catch her and rub her and hug her, but she's not having that so she hinds most of the time when they visit. Yesterday I went with Karen to a Quilt Show. I always enjoy going to the shows. It gives me incentive to try new things. There was even a modern quilt section at the show. Their quilts were interesting. I really likes Jess' quilt. Quilters are so creative. some of the quilts were extraordinary. Just looking at the quilts tells you how much time and work goes into them. The fine stitching and intricate details is tremendous. They are truly works of art. It's time for me to decide on what I want to do and begin doing it. I know that I still have to help with my mom, but I'm ready to explore my horizons. I am going to pray about everything I do. I need God to direct my path and my journey. First, and foremost I thank Him for each and everyday that he gives me. It was so good to see CJ. I forgot she was going to be at the luncheon, so it was a nice surprise. I thank you God for the people you send to me or the people I meet as I travel on this journey. Enough said . . . Until tomorrow . . .

Afternoon Morning Pages 3914

I didn't forget about daylight savings time. I knew it was springing forward, but I still overslept. I was so worried about not being on time that I didn't get to the seniors. Karen came to pick me up. The seniors were suppose to go with us but they didn't go; only Karen's mom went. I spent some money or I used the charge card again. It's time for me to put the cards away. I have to get things together. I need to   work on my planning again.

Morning Pages 3814

I went to bed earlier than I have in a long time. I even got up at 7:50 to day. I started working on the programs for church. I printed out some envelopes too. I have a luncheon to attend today and I'm going to leave my sister alone for three hours. I really don't like leaving her too often, but I'm going to today. I pray when I leave her alone. I used a trick that I learned from a psychologist. It helps you to fall asleep. I have to try it again to see if it really works. It's a mini-meditation. You focus on five things that you can see, then five things that you can smell, and so on until you have focused on all five senses. You keep cycling through the senses. If you wander off you just come back. Again, I found this on Late Night Quilter's blog.