Morning Pages 31114

I had a dental appointment this morning and I cancelled it, or at least I tried to cancel it. The office was closed at 7:30 am. I called back at 8:00 am and it was still no answer. No live voice at least. I got scared. I'm not feeling well, so I let that be my excuse. I'm just a mess. I cough too hard and leak on myself. I thought by taking a vitamin B complex everyday would supplement what I may be missing, but since I've been taking the pills I feel worse. I've been drinking lemon water, hoping that the extra vitamin c would do me some good. Instead I feel worse. I'm not sure what's going on inside of me. Maybe I need to detox and then introduce new foods and supplements to my body, and do it one thing at a time. Then I would know what's working and what's not. I had a dream about working, Rev. Jeanette, and colleagues and students. I guess this is my withdrawal time of year. I guess I should be working and I'm not. I have no desire to work right now. I could use the additional money but I haven't looked for work. My life is sufficiently obligated. I have spent out! I am depending on other funds to get me through the month. This has to change. I went to a luncheon on Sat. I felt good. Had a good time. I felt excluded when my friends were talking amongst themselves about what they were going to do at the end of the school year. I am so noisy. I think I have to know everything that's going on. I want to be apart of it. This sounds ridiculous. I don't know why I feel this way. That's my biggest problem. I don't have to try to do everything. I don't have to know what's going on. I wasn't even thought of. I saw my friend and asked her about the luncheon. she had forgotten all about me, and that's okay. Out of sight out of mind. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but that's how I see it. Communication isn't one of my strong points. This is really pitiful. I've called the dental office to cancel and reschedule and no one is answering the phone. They can't be that crowded that they can't stop and answer. I'll try after 9:00. I'm going to mail Ana's hat and scarf to her. I also want to send her the sewing machine. I think I will purchase another one and send it from there to her. I don't want to disappoint her. She's ready to sew now. It's the ideal age. I just wish she had someone to help her. I guess Mema can do it with her. My sister is awake but instead of getting out of bed she's laying there waiting for me to tell her to get up. I should have man up and went to the dentist. Chicken is my middle name but I know I have to go sooner than later. That's why I'm trying to get another appointment. Enough said . . .  Until tomorrow . . . Thank God for this day!