Afternoon Pages 31214

Got up late, but made it on time to take mommy to the doctor. Her blood pressure was much better today. She has to go back for a breath test on the 26th. Then we went to pick up her reading glasses. She was very tired but we got through the day. We stopped at KFC for lunch. I'm not going to quilt today. I want to get some rest. I'm a little tired. I have a cold and when I cough I'm leaking.

Morning Pages 31114

I had a dental appointment this morning and I cancelled it, or at least I tried to cancel it. The office was closed at 7:30 am. I called back at 8:00 am and it was still no answer. No live voice at least. I got scared. I'm not feeling well, so I let that be my excuse. I'm just a mess. I cough too hard and leak on myself. I thought by taking a vitamin B complex everyday would supplement what I may be missing, but since I've been taking the pills I feel worse. I've been drinking lemon water, hoping that the extra vitamin c would do me some good. Instead I feel worse. I'm not sure what's going on inside of me. Maybe I need to detox and then introduce new foods and supplements to my body, and do it one thing at a time. Then I would know what's working and what's not. I had a dream about working, Rev. Jeanette, and colleagues and students. I guess this is my withdrawal time of year. I guess I should be working and I'm not. I have no desire to work right now. I could use the additional money but I haven't looked for work. My life is sufficiently obligated. I have spent out! I am depending on other funds to get me through the month. This has to change. I went to a luncheon on Sat. I felt good. Had a good time. I felt excluded when my friends were talking amongst themselves about what they were going to do at the end of the school year. I am so noisy. I think I have to know everything that's going on. I want to be apart of it. This sounds ridiculous. I don't know why I feel this way. That's my biggest problem. I don't have to try to do everything. I don't have to know what's going on. I wasn't even thought of. I saw my friend and asked her about the luncheon. she had forgotten all about me, and that's okay. Out of sight out of mind. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but that's how I see it. Communication isn't one of my strong points. This is really pitiful. I've called the dental office to cancel and reschedule and no one is answering the phone. They can't be that crowded that they can't stop and answer. I'll try after 9:00. I'm going to mail Ana's hat and scarf to her. I also want to send her the sewing machine. I think I will purchase another one and send it from there to her. I don't want to disappoint her. She's ready to sew now. It's the ideal age. I just wish she had someone to help her. I guess Mema can do it with her. My sister is awake but instead of getting out of bed she's laying there waiting for me to tell her to get up. I should have man up and went to the dentist. Chicken is my middle name but I know I have to go sooner than later. That's why I'm trying to get another appointment. Enough said . . .  Until tomorrow . . . Thank God for this day!

Morning Pages 31014

Today's is Shooby's birthday. I have to text her and then call her later. I think she's working today. I know she went out to dinner for her birthday last night. I'm up early. WP2 is here with me today. I enjoy watching all of my grandsons. He's really growing up and doing much better God is so good to our family. I know he still has a road to travel and many hills to climb, but we are taking it one step at a time. Two minutes before he I have to give him his medicine. I am still having dry mouth; not as bad but still there. I have a cold or symptoms that have me coughing like I'm crazy, leaky bladder, and blowing my nose. Have I gone to the doctors yet, of course not! I take care of everyone else then myself. I'm going to have to change that order. Me first or else no one else is taken care of. Break! medicine time! Did that finished he's still asleep and I can continue my writing. I tell you! curiosity killed the cat. I have a cat or should I say I inherited a cat from my son. He went through this animal kick and decided he wanted to have pets. His, now wife had a dog and believe it or not he had three cats; maybe not all three at one time but he did have three. When WP2 was born they decided to get rid of the animals; for whatever reason. Any who, they were looking for a good home for their pets. I told him I would take Sapphire. She's only a kitten. I think it's going on three years now. I'm not too sure about the time, but she's a rambunctious kitten growing into a rambunctious cat. She gets into everything. I know why they say curiosity killed the cat because one day she's going to mess with something and die. It's as simple as that. I don't know how she finds things but she does. So I have her and love her to death. The grandsons love her too. They are always trying to catch her and rub her and hug her, but she's not having that so she hinds most of the time when they visit. Yesterday I went with Karen to a Quilt Show. I always enjoy going to the shows. It gives me incentive to try new things. There was even a modern quilt section at the show. Their quilts were interesting. I really likes Jess' quilt. Quilters are so creative. some of the quilts were extraordinary. Just looking at the quilts tells you how much time and work goes into them. The fine stitching and intricate details is tremendous. They are truly works of art. It's time for me to decide on what I want to do and begin doing it. I know that I still have to help with my mom, but I'm ready to explore my horizons. I am going to pray about everything I do. I need God to direct my path and my journey. First, and foremost I thank Him for each and everyday that he gives me. It was so good to see CJ. I forgot she was going to be at the luncheon, so it was a nice surprise. I thank you God for the people you send to me or the people I meet as I travel on this journey. Enough said . . . Until tomorrow . . .

Afternoon Morning Pages 3914

I didn't forget about daylight savings time. I knew it was springing forward, but I still overslept. I was so worried about not being on time that I didn't get to the seniors. Karen came to pick me up. The seniors were suppose to go with us but they didn't go; only Karen's mom went. I spent some money or I used the charge card again. It's time for me to put the cards away. I have to get things together. I need to   work on my planning again.

Morning Pages 3814

I went to bed earlier than I have in a long time. I even got up at 7:50 to day. I started working on the programs for church. I printed out some envelopes too. I have a luncheon to attend today and I'm going to leave my sister alone for three hours. I really don't like leaving her too often, but I'm going to today. I pray when I leave her alone. I used a trick that I learned from a psychologist. It helps you to fall asleep. I have to try it again to see if it really works. It's a mini-meditation. You focus on five things that you can see, then five things that you can smell, and so on until you have focused on all five senses. You keep cycling through the senses. If you wander off you just come back. Again, I found this on Late Night Quilter's blog.

Late Morning Pages 3714

I chose to sleep late today. Although I had made all these plans. I didn't write them down but I knew what I was going to do today. I have to mail two birthday cards off today, and I have to get money out of the bank. I also have the programs to print for church. I knew this but I didn't care to rush today. For one moment last night I slept like a baby. I tried a technique that I read about on The Late Night Quilters blog. She's a psychologist. Anyway, she said to think about five things that you can see and then move on to the other senses until you finish all of the five senses. I did this, but I kept getting stuck on five things that you can feel. She said if you lose your focus than refocus and keep going. I tell you no lie. I went to sleep and didn't even realize I had dozed off. It was a good sleep. I was dreaming. I was sleeping. I have to try this again tonight. I get so annoyed with my mom. I know I shouldn't because she is so stuck in her ways that she can only change it. I am thankful for this day and I'm going to enjoy it. Enough said . . . Thank God for this day!

Morning Pages 3614

Stayed up late. I watched Alex Cross, and then I went to bed. I couldn't sleep. Got back up and ate two clementines. Then I had to go to the bathroom several times because I drank a lot of water. I finally laid down and went off to la la land. I dreamt about Penn. I dreamt about being with him intimately. I also dreamt about Marie. I haven't seen her in a long time. She stopped coming to church. In my dream she was so resentful and she was trying to hurt me. She was trying to hurt Penn. Penn went fishing but he wasn't prepared for it and got hurt. The waves were too rough. He was properly secured in the boat. Then my dream changed because I managed to escape from Marie and the other men who were trying to hurt me. Now I was being chased by Penn, Will, and Charles or I should say they were trying to find me. I was trying to get to Michelle Alexander. I missed her housewarming party and I had to get a gift to her. I bought a card and I had something else to give her but I don't remember what it was. Any who, as Michelle would say. I didn't like what I was giving her so I went to buy something else, that's when another man came up to me and hugged me. At that same time Penn, Will, and Charles were entering into the store. I don't remember who the other man was. What does it all mean? Who knows? I woke up with a slight headache. I have been having dry mouth every night throughout the morning. I can feel it as I sleep. My tongue is so course; like sandpaper. What's going on inside my body. I have a doctor's appointment on the nineteenth of March. I will definitely be keeping it. Although I'm so ashamed of the weight I've gained, but I have to go. I'm feeling strange. I see intimacy and I want it. i want to be held and caressed and touched all over my body. I want to be whispered to. I I I that's all this is about. It's about what I want and need. My private areas are dying. No life there anymore. It's drying up. Hasn't been used in so long. I'm a ** year old virgin. I NEED INTIMACY! I want to try to open up and be loved. I want to work on communicating with someone other than my sisters and friends. I feel like I'm drowning. My apartment is starting to grow again. I have stuff everywhere. I have to de-clutter my apartment so my life can be de-cluttered and free. Today is a gift so open it up and use it. Until tomorrow . . .