Morning Pages 3614

Stayed up late. I watched Alex Cross, and then I went to bed. I couldn't sleep. Got back up and ate two clementines. Then I had to go to the bathroom several times because I drank a lot of water. I finally laid down and went off to la la land. I dreamt about Penn. I dreamt about being with him intimately. I also dreamt about Marie. I haven't seen her in a long time. She stopped coming to church. In my dream she was so resentful and she was trying to hurt me. She was trying to hurt Penn. Penn went fishing but he wasn't prepared for it and got hurt. The waves were too rough. He was properly secured in the boat. Then my dream changed because I managed to escape from Marie and the other men who were trying to hurt me. Now I was being chased by Penn, Will, and Charles or I should say they were trying to find me. I was trying to get to Michelle Alexander. I missed her housewarming party and I had to get a gift to her. I bought a card and I had something else to give her but I don't remember what it was. Any who, as Michelle would say. I didn't like what I was giving her so I went to buy something else, that's when another man came up to me and hugged me. At that same time Penn, Will, and Charles were entering into the store. I don't remember who the other man was. What does it all mean? Who knows? I woke up with a slight headache. I have been having dry mouth every night throughout the morning. I can feel it as I sleep. My tongue is so course; like sandpaper. What's going on inside my body. I have a doctor's appointment on the nineteenth of March. I will definitely be keeping it. Although I'm so ashamed of the weight I've gained, but I have to go. I'm feeling strange. I see intimacy and I want it. i want to be held and caressed and touched all over my body. I want to be whispered to. I I I that's all this is about. It's about what I want and need. My private areas are dying. No life there anymore. It's drying up. Hasn't been used in so long. I'm a ** year old virgin. I NEED INTIMACY! I want to try to open up and be loved. I want to work on communicating with someone other than my sisters and friends. I feel like I'm drowning. My apartment is starting to grow again. I have stuff everywhere. I have to de-clutter my apartment so my life can be de-cluttered and free. Today is a gift so open it up and use it. Until tomorrow . . .