Morning Pages 32814

Wow, this month is moving right on out. I have to figure out how I'm going to swing this. I have to have a certain amount of money for my trip. Maybe I jumped too quickly by saying yes, and should have waited until June. Who Knows? Only the good Lord does and I feel that it's okay and everything will be alright. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I really want to enjoy myself so I am trying to make sure that I have everything prepared and done. Especially the church bulletins, and the anniversary banner. So next week I have to print out and make two banners. I also have to prepared for a lesson in continuous binding for the seniors on the tenth of April. I have to remember to send Linda a birthday card. And while I'm doing all of that I have to pack and be ready for my trip. I have to get my sister ready and take her to my other sister in Elizabeth. So much to o and yet it's not a lot to do. I bought a couple of things yesterday and I have to take them back and up the sizes. As I'm blogging I notice that I left crumbs on the counter last night. I had a nerve to make a sandwich before I went to bed. I ate it while I was talking to Aunt Tunie about registering online for the trip. She's excited and I'm glad to be taking this trip with her. I know she and Uncle Jerry go all the time so I hope this will be a very rewarding time for her. I have to make sure I tell the doctor about my trip so she can give me or tell me what to get just in case I get motion sickness. I'm praying that that will not happen. I have to remember not to put it out into the atmosphere. As I get closer to the trip I'm going to color my hair. I want to take my sister to get her hair done before I leave. I think I will wash it tonight and fix it back into the style that I did for Sunday. We are going to celebrate my daughter-in-law's birthday. She's some kind of woman. Enough said . . . Until tomorrow . . .

Morning Pages 32714

We are off to see the dentist. Another day another dollar. I spent money again yesterday. I don't have it. I'm getting ready for my trip and what am I doing? Spending! Day four of my countdown. So far the only thing that I have done was take mommy to the doctor. Oh, I forgot we didn't even do that. The elevator wasn't working, and she can't walk down the stairs. Tomorrow I prepare for Saturday's marathon. Rose is going to have Fee with her. I didn't want to bombard Debbie. I have to send the state money for taxes. i have to do better. I have to put money aside so I can be assured that I will have it when next tax time comes. Something has to give. It's me that has to give . . . I've decided to work on my quilts and try to sell them. I have made some beautiful tops; at least I think they are beautiful. I'm going to tie them, envelope them, and bind them. I need to get all twenty finished. I'm still making tops, so I have to get ride of some of them. Besides I have several children I want to give them to.

Afternoon Pages 32614

I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to keep Sapphire. When she gets upset she urinates on the bathroom floor. It's been awhile since she's done it, but today I wasn't in the mood for it. I got up early because it was doctor day for mommy. There's always something crazy thrown in the wheel. The elevator wasn't working, so I had to cancel her appointments. Now it's time to reschedule. Again, another month of doctor visits. I guess we will always have to go. At least every three months for her and hopefully every six months for Fajer.

Morning Pages 32514

I can be so fickle at time, especially when I start second guessing myself. I know the answer, so why do I feel unsure about it. I've read the information, so why can't I follow it the first time? Why do I think I'm going to make a mistake, and then I do? I know why because I lack confidence in myself, no matter how old I get I still think I'm not good enough. I know that's not true but that's how I feel. I get scared. I  have always thought I needed a boost to get me started but I know and I've know for quite sometime that that was my insecurities about me. My low-self-esteem. I know I am capable of many things. I intelligent, bright, witty, and beautiful inside and out, but I have allowed my thoughts to tell me other wise. I have felt this way all my life. I spoke to two people concerning my taxes; whether I have to mail in the hard copies after I e-filed my taxes. That word in itself tells you how fickle I am. E-File! Which means electronic filing; it's going through the computer. Why did I think I didn't know the answer to my question? I worked myself into not knowing and the answer was right in front of me. This is the kind of craziness that I do. Unsure of me! I've decided to go on a trip (cruise) with my Aunt Tunie. I'm glad I said yes, and then comes in the doubt. I conjure up all kinds of thoughts. Maybe I shouldn't do this because I have to do that. I think I've done this to myself all my life; not being sure, not stepping out on FAITH. I am still trying to control my situation and others until I can't see the forest for the trees. How do I begin to change something that I have done for fifty plus years. How to rewire your brain to do something else. How do you build confidence and trust within yourself at this late stage of life? How? I also find myself procrastinating because I'm unsure of things or not knowing where to begin. So what do I do. I avoid doing that thing until I feel confident in doing it. Sounds a little far fetch but that's me! I was asked out to dinner yesterday and I felt good about going and then all of a sudden I had a reason for not going; besides the time, I was going to wash my clothes. Now, here's the clincher. I didn't wash my clothes. I stalled, I don't really remember what I did, but I know the clothes didn't get washed. But, on the other hand or flip side, I did clean the kitchen LOL. I'm up blogging and feeling good. I have to move forward today. I have to prepare for my trip. I have to make sure my sister is set. I want to work on the two lap quilts so I can make a little money. I'm not going to charge her a lot. That's another thing I'm always underselling myself. I'm never charging what I'm worth or what it's worth. I put a lot into what I do and sometimes I do rush it, but I feel my skills are up to par. I have to get started with my day. Thank God for this new gift, so I better open it and use it to the fullest. Enough said . . . Until tomorrow . . .

Afternoon Pages 32414

I'm so afraid to take a chance. I'm always scared that something isn't going to go right and then I can't fix it. I have a great opportunity to go on a cruise and I was happy but scared and afraid to even say yes. I think that I'm the only one who can do things and get them done correctly but that's not true. So I'm going. Now I have to get things in order and I have twenty-three days to get t done. Last night I was compelled to get my taxes done, so I went to Turbo Tax and did it. I was going to try the free version, but I decided to pay. Of course I owe the state again. I have to have money taken out so I won't have to pay so much at the end. I have to calculate this money. I'm in a very very bad pinch, but I'm going to take this trip and work on getting back on track. Lord I pray that I'm not doing the wrong thing. That's all I keep thinking about. I have to give it to God and forget about it.  

Morning Pages 32314

Good Morning World! I feel better, but now the cough is back. I better do what Penn said and clean everything around me and take a shower before I go to bed. I coughed and coughed and leaked and leaked. It was terrible. I have a great opportunity to go on a cruise and I feel like I can't go like I have to be here to do the bills and take care of my sister. I have to let go and get everything situated so I can go. Yes, I'm scared! Scared of what; I don't know! But I would love to go and I am going to do it. I'm not going to be crazy but I have to take this offer. It may never come again. It's a blessing and I can't let this go. I will get ready for it and DO IT!! Now is the time for me to prepare and plan. To get it all together. I still have to do my taxes and time is winding down or up which ever way it is. I have to do it now! Can't blog much this morning have to get ready for church. THANK YOU GOD FOR THE MANY BLESSINGS YOU HAVE GIVEN TO ME AND MY FAMILY!!

Afternoon Pages 32214

Ate some popcorn and it didn't agree with my stomach. I felt like I had to vomit but I couldn't. Out of the blue I got sick. I went to the bathroom several times.