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As I lay in bed contemplating on when I should get up. I received a text from Penn. It said, "Happy VD d enjoy your day!" This text made my day. I was glad he sent it. I got up took my shower and got dressed. I had to go brave the elements and shovel myself out. I had to go to church to meet Pastor. He's going to show me how to input the information for the food pantry. I received a text from him and then a call because the church wasn't shoveled out and he would let me know when he was going to be at the church. So I continued cleaning myself out. One of my neighbors; a lad of twelve helped me shovel. In fact he helped all of us, so Theresa gave him twenty dollars and I gave him nine. He was such a BIG help. I went to Shop Rite and picked up a few groceries. I'm waiting on Rev.'s call. Tomorrow we our celebrating Wynton's birthday. He's having a party at Pump It Up. We are suppose to get more snow tonight into tomorrow. I have a real busy day tomorrow. The food pantry, the party, and then a house warming. Oh Boy! so much to do. I had a dream about Penn and my old childhood neighborhood. When I first got up I could remember what it was about , but as time went on and I started doing things it slowly left my mind. But I do remember Penn being there with me. He was helping me with Fee. Thank you Lord for this day.  Until tomorrow . . .

 

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Wow! The storm came and BOY we are snowed in. This is a snowy winter for us. I laid in my bed until nine o'clock. I completed everything I had planned to do yesterday. I think I pushed myself too hard because I felt a little dizzy when I went to bed last night. I thought about my aunt and friends in this weather. I woke up feeling a little dizzy. I got up ate an apple and watched the news. Channel 2 had storm reports. I really need to have the computer in the bedroom so I can write when I first get up. The schools in my area were closed yesterday, so no children or teachers had to be on the road in this weather. I heard the siren go off at six o'clock. I watched the snowplow come down the street. It plowed away a lot of snow, but you wouldn't know it was here because the street is covered again. New York is crazy some of their schools are open and they have a full day. Hopefully all of my family is snuggled in their beds. My neighbor across the street is out shoveling her stairs and walkway. I'm not sure how many inches are out there but it looks like a foot of snow. I had to turn the news off. It was looping and repeating itself. I'm not writing how I should be. It should be free writing and I'm writing about what I am seeing or hearing. I'm going to stop now. Enough said . . . Until tomorrow . . .

Outside at 10:00 am

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My phone alarm went off again at 7 am. I rolled over and pressed snooze. A few more minutes to lay here. In the meantime I could hear the cat pawing at the bathroom door. She wanted out. I lay here trying to decide if I should get up. The deciding factor was when the phone rang, so 8:30 it was. I got up checked my voice messages, drank some water, turned on the television; for caller id, and began writing. I was glad that I went to my quilting group last night. It was very cold out but it was good to be with friends. I laughed, sewed, had crazy discussions and completed my straps for my Big Bag. This bag should've taken no more than several hours or a day or two to complete. I've taken several weeks. Why? because I only work on it when I go quilting on Tuesday. I am getting lazier by the day. I don't want to do anything, and yet I know this is not me. I have to go out and pick up my mom's sisters medicines from Stop and Shop. Of course I mentioned this to my mom and now she wants me to buy her something and bring it to her. She said I would have to bring it upstairs because my other sister who lives with her wouldn't come downstairs to get it. Here we go again. I can't get caught up in the constant mess. So I'm going to get dressed and go do what I have to do. Then when I get back I'm going to prepare dinner, work on the bulletins and flier for church, and last but not least work on my projects. I get so angry with myself for letting my mom in my head and making me feel like I have to help her. She's always done this to me or I should say I've always let her do this to me. I pray that she would take charge of herself and try to help herself a little more. She needs to be independent and do what she can for herself. Her basic needs can be done for her by her. I've decided to try to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I won't vent so much to my sisters because they really don't want to hear it. They have their own baggage and anyway sometimes I think some of them aren't listening anyway. I dream of my class, my students, or I dream of teaching again. i know I'm still going through withdrawal. I also think about and dream about being loved in such a way that is both physical as well as spiritual. A love that touches my mind, body, and soul. A love that allows me to be me. A love that I ask what's my pleasure? A love that needs no words just thoughts, just a look, just a smile. A love that is unconditional. Thank God for this day. Enough said . . . Until tomorrow . . .

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Before I went to bed last night I turned the heat down to 65 degrees so I wouldn't sweat so much while I slept. I also read an article about the benefits of lemon water. Why drinking warm lemon water was beneficial for your body. I decided that I would try to drink a cup a day. I know I have to be careful for the acidity on the teeth. My mind was on getting up early so I could get to WP's school. I felt better than yesterday. I wasn't feeling so overwhelming. I don't know why I let things concerning ,y mom bother me. I called my youngest sister and talked to her. She is my sounding board. I love talking to her. She brings me back to earth. I know there is only a few things that I can do; once again I have to let go of the control. So I Woke up early! went to WP2's school program. I was so glad that I could be there for him. God is so good to me. I left my pocketbook home with all my ids and everything money included. Anyway I made it home with no problem. Today is WP2's birthday. He's two years old! Thank God for continuing to heal his little body. I love that little rascal. He's such a tough, strong willed kid. Until tomorrow . . .

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I feel sad today and lonely today. I want to scream and yell. Things are still the same. I don't know if I'm growing or changing. I feel as though I'm nowhere. I sleep late. I eat late. I don't complete things. I try to be consistent but I'm not. This is one of my downfalls; consistency. If I had done this with my children and my life maybe things would've been different. I know I have no control over how things will trun out but I try all the time. This is not what I'm suppose to be doing. Until tomorrow . . .

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My bank issued me a new bankcard. They said my old one was compromised when the Target situation occurred. I had know idea that it was. anyway I'm glad that they are on top of things, but now I have to make sure I change my number with EZ Pass and Banfield. I hope I don't forget. Must do it ASAP. I am still in a funk. The more I think I'm out of it the more I see that I'm not. On my way home from my son's house I stopped and bought a frozen soda and two buffalo chicken rolls. Did I need this junk? No way! I think I was still brewing over the email I received several months ago. I thought I let it go but I hadn't. Negativity can eat you up if you let it, and I can't let it. I'm also all wound up about situations that have occurred with my mom. These things I have no control over but I'm letting them dictate me. What's that all about? Is it because I try so hard to control things, and when there is a change I can't really handle it? Yes, that's what it is! I always want to stay on top of things. This is not a need. It's a want! Crazy! Yes, crazy! Now what? I have stopped planning and preparing. I have not worked on my quilt challenges. I have done absolutely nothing! As usual I writing my morning pages late, and now I have to stop and get in the shower. I don't want to be late for church. Until tomorrow . . .

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Can't figure out why I can't locate one of my mom's rent receipts. I have papers everywhere. I thought I was keeping everything in her bill paying notebook, but they all weren't there. There's always a wrench thrown in the wheel when it seems like everything is going smoothly. I know I will find it because I don't throw anything away. I stayed up late and because of this I slept late. I'm up and moving around now. I had fish with hot sauce for breakfast. I vacuumed the rugs and now I'm writing in my blog. I have to make sure that I shower and work on the bulletins and flier for church. I had a dream about school children. I wasn't teaching them but I was around them with another teacher. I miss teaching, but on the other hand I'm glad I'm not still teaching in a classroom. I do enjoy volunteering and working with the seniors. My thoughts are all over the place because I didn't start writing first so other factors are  invading my thoughts. I have to stop writing now. Thank you God for the little things. Until tomorrow . . .