Morning Pages 51014

I think I'm sleeping too much. Since I've been back I feel tired so I sleep longer. I'm not sure if that's good. I don't know what's going on in my head. I had a dream about a wedding. It was a young couple but it was a different ethnicity wedding. Yet, I thought I was really dreaming about my youngest son and his girl friend. My words are not here today. I have to speak up and speak out when I don't want to do something. I have to say no when I don't want to do something. I have to stop worrying about how others will always feel. Stop putting myself out there and then regretting it later. Yes, I don't mind helping but then I feel obligated to always be the one to do it. Again, that's the control freak in me, and then I'm not happy. I don't want to be responsible for others. I just want to help myself right now. I'm not talking about my grandchildren because they have their parents. I'm just there when they need me to step in and watch the kids. I'm there to love them and spoil them. I'm talking about taking care of my sister now. I don't really want that responsibility. I know she's getting what she needs by being here with me but I don't want to do it all the time. Then I think to myself why not be there for her. She needs to have the best quality of life she deserves. We all should have the best quality of life that we can have.   I enjoy volunteering and working with my quilt buddies. This give me something to do, and I'm interacting with some sharp, fun, and friendly women. Thank you God for this season.