Morning Pages 3214

I can't read much into it. But while I was a KZ2's birthday party. His grandpa asked me to come sit by him so he we could talk about our youngest son. I couldn't talk I was so mesmerized at the fact that he asked me to sit next to him that I was scared to say much. I have to forgive myself and then maybe I can move on. I'm take things to heart and I shouldn't. I'm trying to stop this but I haven't let go. How do I let go? I looked in the sink and the three day old dishes are still there. I keep telling myself to go wash them but I didn't. This past week I was aggravated and angry. i ate things that I shouldn't have and I snapped more at my sister. It was post menopausal sydrome. That's what I call it. I don't have a menstrual anymore, but I still get the PMS symptoms. There's always one day before my cycle would come that I did absolutely nothing. I didn't even bath! I'm not saying this in a proud way but I'm saying this because this is what happens to me or how I feel at east once every month. I know its happening because my sister's cycle always begins after this occurs. She is actually going though the same PMS but she just doesn't act on it as I do. I had a good time at Ashley and Handel's engagement party. I know they can't wait to be married and begin as one family. I didn't take my sister with me. I left her with our mom. I just needed to be with myself. I didn't even take her to the birthday party. That would have require me to do too much driving back and forth. I need to rest too. I find myself getting angry because I have my sister and then there are times when I know it's okay and I know that God doesn' make any mistakes. This is my new journey and I have to accept it. I don't know how long this season will run but I do know I have to change my attitude about it. I know not what's in store for me but I thank God for his mercy and grace. I sat next to a ninety something year old (Rev. Bryant)last night and he is still as sharp as a tack. He's changing his religion to Catholicism. I found that to be interesting. He's been a methodist minister for as long as I can remember and now he's converting to catholicism.