Morning Pages 11414

The mind wanders throughout the night. Do I really get any sleep? I think I do but then it seems as though I'm dreaming all the time. Sometime I can remember what I'm dreaming and other times it's a blank. I saw Penn on Sunday. I spoke but I'm not sure if he spoke back. I know I shouldn't worry about that but I do. He looks good. I would love to just spend a little time conversing with him, but I know that may never happen. I think to myself why can't I let go? What am I holding on for? He's let me go so long ago and yet I keep thinking something will change and we will get back together. Only in my dreams do we get together. Only in my dreams does he caress my body and kiss my lips. Only in my dreams does he touch me and love me so passionately. Only in my dreams! I think about how it would have been being grandparents together. I smiled a big smile when the grandchildren saw him on Sunday because they ran up to him and yelled, "Grandpa" It was such a loving sight. Wow! those are precious memories that must go into their memory banks. I really love being a grandma and I pray that I teach my grandchildren that loving someone unconditionally is so important. I want them to be loving human beings; sharing and caring for one another. I know I haven't made my three pages yet but one morning I will. Thank God for memories!