Morning Pages 11914

Sometimes I feel like I'm PMSing and I know that's not possible. It's been a couple of years since I've gone through the whole cycle thing. I still have a cravings for sweet and salty stuff. I get very irritable and every little insignificant thing annoys me. Wow! What's going on. I snap at Fee more I get annoyed with how she does things. She becomes my target because there's no one else. That's not good! Last night I ate four chocolate donuts. Was that because I was going through or what? I haven't the foggiest idea. I know I'm unstable at times, but why now? What was my trigger? I haven't done a thing to myself or for myself. I look a mess. My hairline is full of gray hair. My body has slowly but surely increased with weight. I am letting my self go, and that's not good. I don't seem to care about my clothes and or my feet. I feel that these are not important anymore. Why am I feeling this way? Haven't got a clue r I do know and just won't say. At times I have no desire to make myself desirable. For what! I want someone to LOVE me foe ME! I don't want to front and then when these things pop up that someone gets scared and runs. I want unconditional LOVE. Not that I'm going to let myself go to any extreme but I want to know that THAt SOMEONE WILL LOVE ME! This Friday I'm going to go to dinner with some of my friends from Dr. MLK. I really miss them. I enjoyed working with them and can't wait to see how everyone is doing. I keep in touch through texting and/calling. January is a very special month because at least four or more of them have birthday's in the month. In fact two of my friend's are born on the same day as the President Obama and his wife, Michelle. I went to bed late again and as I laid there I started thinking about what I could give to the birthday ladies. I thought about making scarves for all of them, so today I will begin another project. I just added five new things to my plate. Here I go again, but this will save me money and it's more personable than anything else. I already have the all my materials. It's just the time. Do I have time to take on another task? Well let me see! This I have five days to complete this mission. My schedule is full starting Tuesday; wash clothes, chores around the house, and then Tea Cups in the evening. I think I can crochet during my down time and an hour or two before bed. I'm looking at the clock as I type my morning pages thinking about the time and that I need to stop typing and go iron Fee's pants so we can get ready for church. Why do I try to make things right for everyone else and not for myself? That's the mystery within me. Well as Mr. Tobe would say, Enough Said . . . Until Tomorrow. . .