Morning Pages1514

You can't run and hide but that's what I feel like doing. Just leaving everything and going away from it all. I received a disturbing but true message from my son and how he felt about me and how I was making him feel. I thought in my mind that I had gotten better but I guess I hadn't. Leave it up to me to always mess up. I don't believe this crap for a minute. I didn't mess up. I didn't do anything to him, however he feels that I did. So it's time for me to step back and play my position as mom, mother-in-law, grandma what ever the title. I will know my place. It's time for me to get a life and not try to live through their life. I've know this for a long time but didn't want to face it. I can't hold on to my children. They are adults and have flown the nest. I'm the one who keeps trying to keep them in it. I must examine me I was annoyed when I got the email and I wanted to lash out but I keep telling myself "sin not and don't provoke to anger." It all goes back to being in control. I may not come right out and do it but the subtle things that I do are controlling. Even when my grandson was writing last night. I was trying to assist him but as I think about it I was trying to control what he wrote and how he did it. I frustrated him. I have to give up the ghost.