Morning Pages 12914

The very last days of the month. I have to do better with my budget. I am taking my sister to get her hair washed and set. I have to check my funds to make sure I have enough money. It's not going to cost  a lot but still. I spend sometimes like it's water; overflowing. Yesterday was a good day. Still didn't do what I had to do or what I said I was going to accomplish but I did cook dinner. The faucet is still dripping the air is still coming through the front door; blanket still covering that. Oh boy, sometimes I wonder what my problem is why don't I speak up about the little things. I know Billy will take care of them. I ran out of toilet paper; correction I forgot to bring some up stairs last night. So I have to use napkins; nothing wrong with that. It's still paper and you can wipe yourself with it. I would send my sister downstairs for it but I know that would frustrate the hell out of me because she wouldn't be able to find it. I haven't bothered my son in a couple of days. I hope and pray that he is still in school and that the loan came through for him. It's out of my hands, but then it was never in my hands. I want to go to Las Vegas in the fall. But I don't have the down payment for the trip. I need another person because it's cheaper when it's double occupancy, or what ever you call it. How am I going to do this? I should ask my aunt or another friend but I think it's too late. I've known about this trip since Christmas. That's really not a long time. Anyway I'm going to try to go. I would love to take my sister but I know that would be more frustrating for me. It would be like babysitting the whole time. I shouldn't feel that way but it is. what's the real issue that I have with my sister. I don't know. She's mentally challenged and sometimes she just can't do anything for her self and then other times she' on point. Go figure! I guess it depends on the brain, or maybe it depends on how she feels about doing certain things for herself. Lord help me to not get annoyed with her, especially when she ignores what I'm trying to get her to try to do for herself. It's like she has know thought process at all. I was being proactive and completing a job that I had to do for someone. I gave them the items and they missed place what I had given them. Now I have to go out and buy more envelopes to make more. I was a little annoyed because I'm working on making my life better by not waiting around and letting things pile up on my plate. Oh well, Nothing I can do except make them again. I'm sitting here and I really don't know what I want to write about this morning. I have to wash clothes today, and tomorrow I'm taking my mom and sister to the doctor. I'm eating a pop tart, not a good choice for breakfast this morning. I should have boiled an egg. I have two on my plate but one will suffice. I have to cut back on my calorie intake. I have to make two doctor appointments for me. My meds are about to run out and I haven't been to my primary in a year come February. i also have to see my dentist. I retire and it seems like I'm having an issue with my front teeth. I floss and brush; no not three times a day. Maybe twice. It looks lie I'm getting a cavity in the front. Don't Need That! So the time has come, past due to take care of me. Until tomorrow . . . If the Lord spares me tonight.